my heart folded around the grief/ one day I let it go/ I chose to breath again archival ink print 22" x 16" 2021
the being that visits me/the color blue tells me where to go archival ink print 11" x 17" 2021
always be with me.
There is no distance between life and death.
Conjunct.
They lay one on top of the other.
Intertwined.
Death gives way to life.
Life gives way to death.
we measure the distance by how long the body lasts
and the body is so important,
but this isn’t the correct distance.
***
I will always be with you.
You will always be with me.
Somehow this doesn’t comfort me,
I miss you inside inside your body
I am in life,
you’re in death,
and I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know where to go
and I can’t go to you.
The only thing to do now
is to let my heartbreak,
to let things be and to be with
what it is;
your body is gone now,
but somehow you are still with me.
You promised you would always be with me.
I will always be with you,
you whisper through the wind as it wipes a tear from
my cheek.
Intertwined,
I carry you with me always.
I love this being.
It visits when I least expect it. When I am laying down, when I am walking.
The smell of gardenia always comes first before I turn to welcome it. The scent wakes and helps me emerge from whatever portal or hidden place or fold of my mind I am in.
I love you, it always begin. The feeling of that love spreads me through me like the glow of sun on my skin. I am so full with that feeling I feel I could bust, could cry, I am overwhelmed by it.
I am starting to believe this spirit is a dragon, a spirit-dragon.
It wraps its tail around me and then, no matter where I am, I can smell the sea and I can see the wind whipping clouds and sails over beautiful choppy waters.
The face and body of this beautiful being comes into focus more clearly. Its eyes grow so bright when it see’s that I see it. There is such joy and longing and pent up energy in it’s face. The area around it’s pupils fills with electric light. It turns to face outward, looking out across the expanse, while its wrapped around and perch next to me. All the places we can go, all the places I will take you, I feel it say.
I love this being. I love this dragon.
There is so much to feel I could cry, salt streams down my face and pools in my eyes as the wind whips cold, refreshing, enlivening, against us.
I don’t know where I am but I am so glad I am here with this dragon on the sea.
It looks back at me and I feel the anticipation of leaving the ground building in its eyes. It know how much I trust it. I hug its side and it’s tail tightens around me. I squeeze my eyes shut as I feel the ground disappear beneath us, heat gathers around me like golden sunlight.
The vision disintegrates and I am back at my desk in a room with four walls and no windows that look outside.
